Whilst Mother’s Day is a happy and positive day for many families around the world, it can be difficult and complex for separated or divorced parents. The arrangements you have in place for your children may restrict your ability to see them on Mother’s Day. It is therefore important for parents to understand their rights and the arrangements that can be made regarding their children.
Parental rights
Upon separation or divorce, most parents retain Parental Responsibility (PR) for their child/ren even if they do not continue living with them full-time.
What is parental responsibility?
PR is a legal concept that refers to the rights, responsibilities and duties that parents have for a child. This includes making decisions about the child’s upbringing, providing financial support and making important decision in relation to the child such as where they will go to school, consenting to medical treatments, what religion they will be brought up with (if relevant) and consenting to holidays.
Who has parental responsibility?
A mother who gives birth to a child will automatically have PR and a father will have PR either if he is married to the mother at the time of birth, or if he is named as the father on the birth certificate at the time of registration.
You can apply for PR if you do not automatically have it. Find out more on how to Apply for Parental Responsibility.
Same-sex partners will both have PR if they were civil partners or married at the time of the treatment (such as donor conception or fertility treatment). Same-sex partners who are/were not civil partners or married at the time of the treatment will need to apply for PR where they have not carried the child themselves. At Moore Barlow, we understand that same-sex parental responsibilities and alternative family structures can present unique legal challenges.
Ways to sort child arrangements following a separation or divorce
When parents separate, a common issue for them to resolve is the child arrangements; who the child/ren with live with, how much time they will spend with the other parent, what is to happen on special occasions such as Christmas and birthdays. There are a few different ways in which these arrangements may be decided.
Agreement between parents
In an ideal world, parents will make arrangements regarding their children between themselves in a respectful and collaborative way. There is no legal requirement to get a court order in respect of child arrangements and the court encourages parents to make these arrangements directly with one another to foster amicable co-parenting.
It may be helpful for parents to document their agreement in a ‘parenting plan’. Whilst this is a non-binding document, it can help to provide clarity for the future.
Mediation
If communication between parties breaks down and they are unable to make arrangements in a civilised way, mediation offers an alternative solution. This is a process whereby an independent, neutral third party (known as a “mediator”) helps parties to resolve disputes and reach agreements. Mediation is intended to help co-parents communicate effectively and make their own decisions, with the mediator facilitating the discussion process. A mediator cannot give legal advice, instead, their role is to assist co-parents to find mutually agreeable solutions. For more information on mediation, please see this article – https://www.moorebarlow.com/blog/a-step-by-step-guide-to-family-mediation-and-how-it-works/
Court application
Mediation may not be suitable in all cases, and for some, it can break down and prove ineffective. If parties are still unable to reach an agreement regarding their children, they have the option to apply to the court for a Child Arrangements Order. This is a legal document that sets out the arrangements for a child, such as where they are to live and who they are to spend time with, as well as various other aspects of a child’s life. These orders are legally binding and both parents must comply with the terms of the order.
When making such an order, the courts paramount consideration is always the welfare of the child and this includes considering, among other things, the child’s wishes and feelings (considered in light of their age and understanding), their physical, emotional and educational needs, the likely effect of any change in circumstances, their age, sex and background, and any harm that they have suffered or are at risk of suffering.
There are many factors to consider when deciding what route to take to work out your child arrangements and if you would like to discuss your options with a member of our team, please get in touch.
What about Mother’s Day?
As mentioned, parties are free to agree child arrangements between themselves including for special occasions, such as Mother’s Day. Some parents are happy to change their “allocated” day with their child/ren in order to allow the other parent to spend the special day with them. Similarly, these topics can also be covered in mediation as this is a completely flexible process. Open and respectful communication between parents is always encouraged as being in the best interests of the child/ren.
Regarding a Child Arrangements Order, the order may make specific provision for special occasions such as Mother’s Day and if it does, this must be followed by both parents. If one parent is refusing to comply with the order, the other parent can apply to court for the order to be enforced.
If the order is silent on arrangements for Mother’s Day, parties are still free to make arrangements between themselves. If one parent is refusing to allow the other to see their child/ren on Mother’s Day and the matter is urgent, there is the option to apply for an emergency Child Arrangement Order although these are only granted in exceptional circumstances.
What to do if you are not spending Mother’s Day with your children
If you will not be spending Mother’s Day with your child/ren, there are numerous things you can do to try and help you deal with it the best you can.
- Plan ahead for next time – speak with your co-parent far in advance of Mother’s Day next year to see if you can alter arrangements to ensure you do get to spend time with your child/ren.
- Change the date – celebrate Mother’s Day with your child/ren on another day when you do have contact with them.
- Keep yourself busy – make plans with friends, speak to other parents who are in a similar position or take some time for yourself to do something you enjoy.
- Know you are not alone – many other parents are going through the same thing and struggle with days like Mother’s Day. It is important that you talk about your feelings and reach out if you think you need help or support.
How Moore Barlow can help
If you are worried about not seeing your children on Mother’s Day and wish to discuss your rights and options, we have a specialist team of family lawyers and child custody lawyers who will be able to assist you.
